Not all Hunky Dorey

Sometimes I like to live in this fantasyland where everything appears just right and my life is really very great. And in general it is….. but every once in a while an event occurs to remind me that I am not quite all that. I still have a lot to work on.
A few weeks ago, while working a craft fair, I suddenly got really cold and nauseous and started to shake uncontrollably. I went to the bathroom thinking I would vomit but could only sink down onto the floor of my stall. By now a woman had noticed me and came to help. She helped me outside to sit in the sun to warm up. I could barely walk and felt completely out of it.
I guess it alarmed some people and they decided to call an ambulance…. despite all of my protests.
I knew what the problem was. I had not been eating enough…for a few days probably… and when I ate a couple of brownies from the bake sale about half an hour earlier, my body really rejected and that’s when I got ill. I knew what the problem was because I had been through it before.
So here is the big news. I’m anorexic. I know….it even alarmed me when I found out because, you see, I never worried about my weight or ever wanted to lose weight. It’s an eating disorder as a result of having food issues. Meaning, too many dislikes of various foods and neglecting to eat enough, not on purpose though.
I even dated a doctor who told me that he thought I was anorexic but I had never heard of this type of anorexia before. In fact I think most people still don’t know it exists. And I can think of a few people I know or knew whom I believe also have varying degrees of it.
I learned that I had it a few years ago, when I went to see a doctor for a staff infection. After an analysis of my diet and eating patterns she proclaimed me anorexic and said she would have me committed to a hospital if I did not gain weight immediately. It was a total shock to me but I did everything I could to gain weight, eat better and introduce a lot more foods into my life (foods that I’d stopped liking for one reason or another throughout my life). And in a few months I felt better than I had in years and had gained about 15 pounds.
These days, I’m doing a whole lot better than I once was. Once a year or several months between episodes is nothing compared to how it used to be…. migraines and vomiting monthly, for years.
Unfortunately, I still find myself relapsing from time to time.
I start to believe I’m over it…until it happens again. They say it’s a battle that can last for years.
It’s completely mental. There is really a very simple solution. It’s all about remembering to take the time to eat, not allowing life to distract me so much that I neglect to eat and not being a picky eater. It’s as simple as that. Or at least it seems simple.
Now, I am only telling you all of this for blogs sake. I started this blog in hopes that others could learn from my own life experiences. I think people should be aware that it exists like this.
I am not writing this to get sympathy or to talk about it with everyone. So please refrain from bringing it up unless you are willing to share your own deepest darkest secrets. Thank you.
I still have a lot of healing to do…..but don’t we all…….in one way or another.