Starting Again

Was trying to think of how to start again… and then I opened this little notebook I’d started months back. I must have known that the pretty little notebook covered with butterflies, roses, gemstones, and glitter would give me direction. I’d started writing stories of this life in it last summer. 

I saw this quote, no idea where it came from.

“Creative force is released by an internal process of letting go.  The process of healing is the process of releasing our creative force for the mastery of health and well-being.  Much of illness is a result of blocking the natural flow of an individual's creative energies.”

And this, my friends, is my most primal desire for wanting to write again.

Though, I am not writing for the superfluous reason for being heard…not like when I was younger.  I have grown so much from even 2 or 3 years ago.  I just want to write from my truest clearest form of expression, from the space of being centered and in service to spirit and what it expresses through me.  We all are spirit and I believe that if each of us could have the courage for self-expression, it would give us all the opportunity for great growth and healing.

So that is the goal here from now on, more to write for me, and my expression of spirit, than for anyone else. Not only for my own growth but as a way to honor that which resides in each of us making every person holy, as their own aspect of spirit.

Attack of the Fibroid!

I really do have a great excuse for not blogging in so long.....and yeah I know that I didn't blog for almost two years before that but anyway- here is the story I wrote about it soon after my surgery.

For anyone who wondered if I was PREGNANT.. for A LONG WHILE..i was NOT. On Tuesday I gave cesarian "birth" to a 2 1/2 pound uterine FIBROID. This picture gives you an idea for what a fibroid looks like and the size of the thing that came out of me. It sits beside a 6 INCH RULER. It may have been there 10 YEARS or longer. I am told that 60 % OF WOMEN have them, many not knowing it. If you are having symptoms such as the following, which you thought were just the body aging, you may want to get checked out. Most never know until they feel pain or start to "show".  Over the past several years I have had painful flatulence and constipation with an impacted colon thrown in here and there. As it grew and it began to show I would have back pain, occasional nausea and feel like I was always on the verge of my period or had bad indigestion. In the past year, I would have severe to mild headaches almost daily. I was also susceptible to contracting other illnesses, i.e: I had an intestinal parasite, staph infection-about the time I think I got infected with the campylobacter pathogen, and last year Lyme disease (which my acupuncturist cured in 10 days). He is the one who discovered the fibroid too, as my YEARLY gyno exams DID NOT..... but not until my belly got very hard and the fibroid began to show.

 It has been a real PAIN to deal with for years now yet I did not know the ROOT cause was the FIBROID until last February.

At the time of my surgery I looked 5 1/2 months preggers. Although there are no real theories about why we get them, some doctors say that they are inherited. That had to be at least part of it for me since my MOM HAD ONE the same size, in the same exact place (upper uterus) at the same age as me.

The surgery went well and I am finally healing. It has been a very intense week, to say the least. Besides the pain, there are still a few organs relearning how to work well including the bladder.  I also have to be careful to keep my body moving so as not to get any blood clots in the legs, walking also helps with the painful flatulence. And I have to be careful getting in and out of bed so as not to strain anything or tear internal stitches. It's a tricky place to be. I sleep when I can, between my pain medications. I am taking a number of vitamins and supplements for a speedy recovery including aloe vera, CoQ10, Vitamin C, and I am on the way to full health.

 But it seems like a long road ahead. I can drive in  4 weeks and no extraneous activity or lifting for 6 weeks. I am just taking it day by day.  I thank God/Goddess that I am not any worse off. Recovery is imminent. I just wanted to share my story in hopes it may possibly help someone else who may or may not know what they are suffering from. Thanks to all of you have prayed and continue to pray for my speedy recovery. I am happy to continue the dialogue if anyone has any other advice or questions. Thanks again for all the love. Peace to you all, Athena