A Little Bird Told Me

If I told you some of the things I experience in my life daily, you wouldn’t believe me. Some of you may even think I’m crazy. But due to what my elders have taught me, I am not really allowed to tell you much anyway. I want to share some and In the near future, I will share a little more through my writing. For now, just use your imagination. Lol.
Here is a short story anyway,
In my first ayahuasca ceremony, a number of birds came and sang songs to me at dawn. One voice, in particular, stood out but I had never heard it before or since. Until this trip to Guatemala where it follows me all over. It reminds me that I am on the right path, the path that the medicine told me I would be on in that first ceremony almost 15 years ago and that my guides have always whispered to me about my whole life. Thank you brown-backed solitaire. I honor you and all of the bird nation for your guidance.

How The Sacred Plant Teachers Have Changed My Life Forever

-->

(This story was written more than a decade ago, soon after my first Ayahuasca ceremony. At the time, very few Westerners knew of this plant teacher and I was among the first to bring the medicine and Ayahuasqueros (the shamans who navigate the spirit world through this plant teacher) to the US.

As I am reading this again for the first time in so many years, I sit crying tears of joy. I am reminded that the medicine predicted so many things in my future that are now happening. I remember what an incredible healing it was for me and how it gave me the jump start needed to truly begin my own work as a healer and wildlife advocate. Though I also know now that I have been doing this work my whole life already. And I can see that the universe was telling me that because of my unwillingness to pay attention to my moon cycle and body until then, that something major would happen. A few years later I was diagnosed with a large fibroid that only a hysterectomy would be able to remove.

At my last ayahuasca ceremony, the medicine told me that it would be my last ceremony. She said that I had learned all that I could from the medicine and she had done all of the healing that she could for me. And I believed her. I have not been to another Ayahuasca ceremony since.

I listened and yet still today I am learning from her teachings in those ceremonies. She has truly been a blessing and I will forever be grateful to the sacred plant medicine- Ayahuasca.)

I first read about Ayahuasca about fifteen years before ever coming into contact with it. I was so fascinated with its potential healing powers and the access to the spirit realm that it was claimed to give, that I decided then and there that one day I too would experience this sacred plant teacher.

Ayahuasca, a psychotropic plant from the Amazon, which has been used for eons by shamans, is called “medicine” because it is used for the healing of one’s soul. A shaman I met once said, ”Ayahuasca can restore us to the health that we want so that we can be free to fully live.” Ayahuasca is not addictive and even in Peru today it is being used in special clinics to help treat drug and alcohol addictions.

Little did I know, when I first learned of it, that this ancient medicine would change my life forever and lead me toward my soul’s true path. I did know, however, that it would be a very powerful experience and that I was not going to go looking for it but instead to let it come to me when my spirit was ready for it.

The opportunity finally came in the summer of 2006 when my best friend invited me out to San Francisco for a ceremony. Together we had read about Ayahuasca years before so I was excited to share my first experience with her. The shaman was a curandero from Colombia, South America.

For about two months before the ceremony, I took time to focus on what my intention for working with the medicine was. I knew that this was important to receive the full benefit of the medicine. I also knew that it was important to maintain focus during the ceremony and not allow the mind to wander into dark places easily. I understood that the medicine could teach you in many ways and at times it will force you to visit your deepest fears to work through them, or to have you relive past experiences to work through the trauma that had not been dealt with.

My intention was to better understand what my life purpose was and to have a closer connection with spirit and Mother Earth.

That first night of ceremony I had many beautiful visions and realizations. I visited the cosmos and other dimensions. I remember seeing the shaman dancing around the fire and I could not take my eyes off of him. His work mesmerized me and I could relate to him somehow. I felt like it was a thousand years ago and I was watching him work magic. I knew I had been a part of the same ritual in some life long ago.

When the night was done, somehow I knew that I had much more to learn and so I talked with him about doing ceremony the next night as well.  Luckily there was one space available. That second night was one of the most enlightening experiences of my life.

I met Mother Earth that night. I fell in love with the universe and I was blessed with so much love. Love like I had never experienced before or even knew existed.

It was almost dawn, hours after the others in our circle had finished journeying when suddenly the medicine became very powerful in me. It started when at one point I felt sort of stuck like I needed to get something out of me that was stunting my growth. I thought perhaps it was a demon or something very negative but I felt I could not do it alone. Then I was guided to ask for the medicine mans’ help. He came over to me and began to rub Agua de Florida on my forehead, over the third eye, and on the area above my heart. At first, there was a very hot burning sensation and I kept asking him to put the water on me to cool me down. The sweet flowery smell of it was very soothing and eventually, I felt an opening up inside of me. I began to cry deeply and to release what felt like years of pent up emotion through my tears and then with my laughter. Then I felt my third eye open up and a golden light, like of the sun, began pouring into me. Finally, my heart just blossomed, like a lotus flower, and I could feel generous amounts of love streaming into my being from the heavens. It was the most beautiful feeling I can ever remember having. I knew the healing was a blessing that occurred only because I was so open to it, and that my soul had wished for that connection with spirit for a very long time.

That night the Mother vine (Ayahuasca) spoke directly to me. She told me that my soul’s true path is the ability to heal and that soon I would use it to help humanity in its spiritual evolution. She said that the artwork that I do and my work with rehabilitating wild animals would be the catalyst for this in years to come. From there she also gave me many messages to give to my loved ones, including the shaman, things I could not have known about them otherwise. They all welcomed these messages and agreed that they were much-needed advice and encouragement. Whenever I have journeyed with this medicine in ceremony, I can hear the gentle voice of the Mother guiding me, encouraging me on how to continue on my souls' true path.

After several minutes I became more aware of the world around me, outside of my own experience and I realized that I had been so filled with emotion that everyone in the circle seemed to have their eyes on me.  The shaman decided that after such a release I could use some grounding and so he had me get into the cattle tank that had been filled with water for our afternoon swims. I was very reluctant, being so uncomfortable with the cold, but he reminded me of our talk earlier when I spoke with him about wanting to be free of my fear of the cold. I remember feeling everyone there sending their support to me as I finally lowered myself into the chilly water and began to relax into the feeling of being in the cold. Even the birds seemed to congratulate me by singing to me across the forest. And I sang back. I relaxed and said out loud, “It feels like embryonic fluid, like being in the womb…….only I don’t remember it being so cold in there.” And everyone laughed. Since then I have not feared the cold like I used to.

Once my cleansing was over Alberto told me that it was time for me to go get dressed, that the ceremony was over and everyone was waiting to eat. So I got out of the tub and sort of hobbled over to the yurt to put on dry clothes. I felt like a cavewoman then, crouched over as if I could not straighten my back. It was as though I had gone through a rebirth and was getting back into balance with my new being. I knew I had just been healed more than I had through years of therapy. I had so many epiphanies in that one experience that it is impossible to detail them all here now. But after that night I began to notice many subtle changes in myself: more self-confidence, better communication and the ability to express emotion more, among other things.

When I came out Alberto had me sit next to him and we all ate a wonderful meal after a long fast. Alberto and I became instant friends and I sat talking with him for a couple of hours, sharing my experience with him and the message that the Mother gave me for him. I will never forget the respect he had for me like I was one of his kind.

The next summer I had another enlightening experience in ceremony, when Alberto did a fire blessing for me. This was something he did rarely but as a gift for my organizing the ceremony, he agreed.

I was on my moon (menses) and each time he held the burning rosemary branch to me the fire would go out.  He said that this was because the moon energy is so strong that it literally can put out fire.   “See? This is proof that what we believe is not just superstition.” he said, “It may not work”.  But I wanted a fire blessing so badly. So I focused my will on making it happen. Then the fire on the branch grew strong and he went on with the healing.

He would fill his mouth with alcohol and then blow it onto the burning branch and across my body, from head to feet, all the way down my body and then up the back. People watching later told me that they could see the flame go through my body and shoot out the other side of me. It burned some but only like a minor sunburn and it was gone the next day.

When he was done he had me sit down by the fire as he finished blessing me with the Agua de Florida. At this point, I felt a huge release and I began to sob heavily. I was feeling the love of the Mother once again and I cried tears of joy. In those moments she told me that I had been ill for so long because I had not paid enough attention to my body, especially to my moon time. Throughout my life, I had been through many passing illnesses, from shingles at age fourteen to an impacted colon at age thirty-three.  She said that it was time to give my body the attention, exercise, and nourishment that it needed and that I should do a special ritual each month to honor my moon. I have been following her advice, making several major life changes and now I enjoy a much more balanced life. I feel in better health than ever before.

I continue to learn a lot about myself in ceremony. About two years ago I became acutely aware of the negative effect that drinking alcohol was having on my body and spirit and so when the medicine asked me to stop drinking it, I did.  I was only an occasional drinker but I have always tried to honor her requests because I know that this sacred medicine only wants to help me.

I will admit that this sort of experience can be quite frightening as well. Perhaps just knowing this is what makes it so. But in my experience, it does not always matter what your intention is because the medicine decides ultimately what your experience will be.

One reason why I believe that Ayahuasca is not addictive is because of the possibility of frightening experiences but also because of the purging each time. Typically there is relentless vomiting before you can have visions. Who would want to go through something like that very often? Unless you are an Ayahuasquero and are meant to be a healer through this medicine.

Last year I participated in a ceremony that was pretty scary.  The Ayahuasquero was a man named Ronnie from Peru, who spoke only Spanish. His ayahuasca was very strong. It was thick, not what I was used to and hard to swallow. The Ayahuasca I had drunk before was also terrible tasting but more like a liquid so it was easier to get down. Thank goodness just one tiny cup of the stuff is all that is necessary or I could never do it. Most people puke from it and I do almost every time. It is believed that while the medicine is inside of you it goes around searching for illness and pain to clean out of your system and then you purge it out. Some like to call it “getting well”. 

In this particular ceremony I felt the pain of a friend’s illness. When my journey began I started rocking back and forth uncontrollably and then my hands froze up and I was unable to open my fingers. I could think only of my friends’ rheumatoid arthritis. I began to sort of moan and I knew that this was going to be an intense long journey. So I asked one of the helpers to please bring the shaman over to help me, then I told her, “ You have to take me out of this room. I am disturbing everyone else’s journey.” Although I could not control or stop the pain I was feeling, I was very aware and I knew that I would become louder and more animated soon. Finally, Ronnie came over and began to sing icaros (Ayahuasca songs for healing and moving energy) over me, trying to soothe me. The medicine only became stronger and my pain more intense. So I announced to the helper that they needed to take me to another room this minute because this was not going to stop for a while. (Since then I have learned that it is unusual for someone to be as cognitive as I am with the medicine. Usually, there is no control of your situation at all.)

Finally, the helper put an arm around me and helped me into a small room in another part of the building. I stayed there for the night with my sleeping bag and a candle for light. Ronnie was there too at first and I kept getting up to hug him or caress his face, which he politely allowed me to do. He was very supportive and stood there with me for a long time letting me cry on his shoulder. But then he had to go attend to the others in ceremony and so I was left with the helper. I kept telling her that I could feel my friend’s pain and I could not understand why I had to go through this. I said to her, “I see rainbows over there but I just can’t get to them.” She told me that if I wanted to I could. And I thought, “But you are not me, so how can you know that?”.  I knew I could not because I tried desperately to escape the pain and to reach the rainbows. For some reason, the medicine was teaching me what it is like to feel pain like that and seemed to be showing me that it was possible to take on the pain of someone else. I have learned since then that this is something you do not want to do and there are ways to avoid this from happening. This has been one of the greatest lessons on my path as a healer myself.

For me, Ayahuasca is truly medicine for the soul, helping to restore one to health so that they can live fully. Not to mention how it has taught me to respect my food and my body, my only vessel to navigating this existence until death becomes me.